His Name Was Christian: A Lesson in Communication with Children

Years ago, I directed a large afterschool childcare program on the campus of an elementary school. We had about 190 children attending each day. While it always felt busy, the first day of school was particularly stressful—with so many new names, faces, classrooms, and schedules to manage. However, this school year brought a unique challenge—something that rarely happens in childcare, right?

The elementary school we were housed at needed to open a “North Campus” to accommodate its growing population. As a result, some of our currently enrolled children were designated to attend the new location about half a mile away. Since we wanted to continue care for those children, we arranged for one of our Youth Bus vans to pick them up. So, in addition to the regular first-day madness, we now added transportation to a new school into the mix!

While we had already spent weeks preparing for the new North Campus—arranging pick-up locations, coordinating logistics with the school, and briefing the staff—we still knew the first day would require extra attention to ensure everything ran smoothly. That morning, I met with my staff to review logistics, including pick-up lists and information about new enrollees.

While we had already met most of the new children at our Welcome Night, one parent had enrolled their child just the day before school started. They pleaded for him to begin on the first day of school. I reluctantly agreed. As a result, none of us had met the new child in person. All we knew was that he was in first grade, and his name was Christian.

The First Day at the North Campus

On that first day, I wanted to be present at the North Campus to ensure everything went smoothly. I arrived early and waited outside with my staff for the bell to ring. As soon as the school bell rang, my primary focus became finding Christian.

Looking around, I spotted one boy who matched the description his mother had given. He looked lost, confused, and a little scared—perhaps unsure because he hadn’t seen our program beforehand. Assuming he was our child, I approached him and gently asked, “Are you Christian?”

He looked startled, then furrowed his brow and replied indignantly, “No! I’m Jewish!” Before I could explain, he stomped off.

I eventually found Christian a few minutes later, and he made it safely to our program!

A Communication Lesson Learned

While I learned several lessons that day (including NEVER enrolling a child at the last minute again!), I also picked up a valuable reminder about communicating with children:

Children need more than just words—they need to understand our words. Reflecting on that moment with Christian, I realized how a simple question—without context or clarification—can lead to misunderstanding. Communication isn’t just about speaking; it’s about ensuring children grasp what we’re saying.

Children’s experiences and vocabulary are still developing, which means they process words differently than adults. Misunderstandings can cause confusion, frustration, or even fear, making it essential to choose words carefully and intentionally. Effective communication with children is about more than just talking—it’s about making sure the message lands in the way we intend.

‍Key Points to Remember When Communicating with Children

1. It’s not what you say—it’s how they hear it.

Get to know each child individually. Communication requires understanding. My four children, for instance, were raised in the same environment—same rules, same expectations. Yet they couldn’t be more different. My daughter loves sarcasm; we tease each other constantly (sidebar: I would not advise anyone to use sarcasm in a childcare setting). One of my sons, however, is sensitive, and sarcasm would crush him. I’ve had to learn how to say the same thing differently to each child.

2. It’s not what you see—it’s how they see it.

While my daughter enjoys sarcasm, there are times when it’s not appropriate. You need to read the room. Observe children’s behavior—are they having a bad day? Do they seem “off”? Kids don’t always tell you when something’s wrong, so paying attention to non-verbal cues is crucial.

3. It’s not how you feel—it’s how they do.

Show children that you care about them and that they matter. This can be tough when managing a group, but it’s worth it. Celebrate their accomplishments, recognize their achievements, and make a big deal out of their birthdays—they deserve it!

Effective Communication Builds Trust

When you choose your words carefully and ensure they land the right way, you create an environment where children feel seen, heard, and valued. Thoughtful communication fosters trust, strengthens relationships, and helps children thrive in their learning and social environments.

Call to Action

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Disclaimer: This blog is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal, financial, or regulatory advice. Childcare regulations vary by state, so please check with your local licensing agency to ensure compliance. Results are not guaranteed. Read our full disclaimer [here].